Thursday, February 27, 2014

Why a PhD?


Being a girl was simple as a kid.
I could play with legos, and own a pink Sailor Moon umbrella. 
I wanted to be a doctor, and fell in love with prince charming. 
With a head filled with curiosity and mischievousness,
the sky had no limits and being happy was not complicated.

But something changed.
Social sanction shaped me.
Conformity constrained me.
A part of me died every day when I chose not to be myself.
I lost my color, my sense of the world, and my identity.
No make up or fake smile could cover the emptiness,
dissatisfaction of soul.

What’s so funny was that I could have stayed as a victim of
many things for the rest of my life justifying why it has
gone so wrong.


But I did not.
I chose not to.
I knew the only way out was working even harder to
overcome them.
And so I did.


I follow my ambitions and dreams.
I keep getting back in the game until I can settle and love
someone wholeheartedly.
I am getting a PhD to help minorities to whom help isn’t
always available. 
To some it’s the kiss of death of my chance of
getting married.
To me it’s the liberation that frees me and draws
me even closer to God.


Only because a girl dreams to be a girl. 

K.D.






Sunday, February 16, 2014

Leadership Is More Than a Title

“There are only two ways to influence human behavior: you can
manipulate it or you can inspire it. Leading is not the same as being
the leader. Being the leader means you hold the highest rank, either
by earning it, good fortune or navigating internal politics. Leading,
however, means that others willingly follow you—not because they
have to, not because they are paid to, but because they want to.”
― Simon Sinek


I don’t like it when people call me “president”. 

It’s not that I don’t like being a Young Women President but it isn’t the
title that makes me one. Almost 3 year of services has surety taught
me that lesson.

I could have told them I was called by divine revelation.
I could have made them call me “President Mok”.
I could have pushed them to look great in public and be “successful”. 

But until I’ve shown them how much I love them and everything I do is 
about them (not me), “president” is just a title, not a description of my
role as a leader.

Today’s lesson was a bench mark and a comforting reassurance.
A super quiet and anxious YW read a 5 minute story starting the
discussion. A YW shared a recent lesson she learnt about making
right choices and bursted into tears. Another YW emotionally shared
her constant struggle choose her priority for spiritual and worldly
matters. My new counsellor shared her own experience doing the
same. I talked about my experiences interviewing for a PhD program
and how faith has been my hope and the only comfort.

These precious moments don’t come because of my title. 
They come from the little moments when I respond to their texts and
Facebook messages late at night.
The tissues I pull out and wipe off their tears and just simply listen to
their struggles.
The heat and blame I have taken allowing them to exercise their
agency and learn from their choices.
Sometimes even the frustration I swallow and the last bit of courage
I hold on to come back and do it again next Sunday.

I thank all the leaders in my life who show true leadership by their
actions and love. 

K.D.

“Leadership is not a rank, it’s a decision.” Simon Sinek



Saturday, February 8, 2014

Mormons are good at living a double life. It’s okay to admit it.

Recently I read an article about a sister who did not have a single clue that her husband is having a double life after marrying him for almost 27 years. Her husband is addicted to pornography and couldn’t help quitting it. As I was reading this article, I thought to myself: “Mormons are really good at living a double life, aren’t we?” Needless to say pornography, others like, gambling, masturbation, cheating, swearing, lying, gossiping…… (the list can go on forever), Most of the time we are having a double life and we are not aware of.

By talking about double life, I am not saying that Mormons are good people in the day time and serial killers during the night, instead, we have one face at the church and another in daily life. We are not perfect, and Mormons are no exception. At church, no matter it’s an official meeting or social gathering, it seems natural to show the perfect Mormon side. On how great we are, and how perfect our lives are. Everyone seems so perfect that they are immune from adversities and challenges. But in daily life, Mormons may swear a little bit, gossip a little bit, or cheat a little bit...etc. I congratulate you if you have never done these in your life (which is quite impossible), but if you have, it’s okay to admit it, at least to admit it to yourself and your loved ones.

I think some Mormons find it unacceptable and difficult to admit that they live a double life. The double life owner may feel shameful to admit that they have done such--and-such. And the audience (the members) may think that it is impossible for so-and-so have done that. The husband in the story I mentioned, as the wife said, was in a pretty high church calling position when he was addicted to pornography. Obviously no one is going to believe that he has an addiction, and he himself has done so well in hiding it. Until to a point that he finds himself cannot stand for himself anymore.


I admire the sister and brother in the story that I mentioned above. The husband admitted that he is addicted to porn and the wife admitted that this is not shameful but something that they have to fight for. I am not suggesting that we all should go up to the pulpit on fast Sunday and share it out loud to everyone about the double life that we have. But I think Mormons should be true to themselves, be who we are, and not faking to be another person in front of other members. 

G.K