Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Does he love your brain?

Several weeks ago, I attended a YSA career devotional and one of
the speakers, Staci, spoke greatly about fulfilling our potentials as
women. Since she was Grace’s thesis adviser, I stayed after
wanting to get to know her. Within the first minute of our
conversation, she asked a line of profound questions.

“Are you dating now? Does he love your brain?”
I smiled.

For weeks I have slept on those questions. Dating can be very
mundane like business arbitration. We talk/show who we are
and what we have and negotiate a possible future while
compromising something (personality traits/dreams/habits).
Perhaps that’s one of the reasons why the “get to know you”
stage of dating sometimes feels like a CIA interrogation to
me and hopefully minus the waterboarding.

I smiled because that is exactly the reason why I choose not to be
married at this point of my life. While a stable relationship can be
quite satisfactory, the absence of intellectual or heart-to-heart
connection is frankly terrifying. Nothing is more pathetic and
lonely than two people sharing cozy affections while their minds
are more foreign than strangers.

Although we have all receive pressure from these “stop being so
picky” or “give everyone a chance” messages, we have every right
and responsibility to determine and choose our eternal happiness.
Haters will always hate and there will always be people
speculating the reasons of your singledom. But we don’t have to
yield. I undoubtedly know that through time and experiences I
have come to know what kind of relationship or marriage I want.

One day when I realize and know with surety that I’ve found him,
I will look him in the eye and sweetly whisper,
“You are worth the wait.”


K.D.


Saturday, November 23, 2013

Please don’t “just” marry a worthy priesthood holder.

I have been to many interviews with bishop and church leaders. Since I am still single in my late-20s, which is unacceptable to many in the Mormon community (Lol), I have received numerous counsels from the leaders saying, “Sister, I encourage you to find a worthy priesthood holder to date, or marry.” In my mind, I said “oh ya, you are right……”

You all probably think, “Are you crazy? Are you going to date/marry someone who doesn’t hold the priesthood?” Yes, I am crazy, but I am not going to let the “only-married-priesthood-holder” thought got me. I am sick of hearing people telling me that, “hey, he is a good priesthood holder, you two should go on dates / he holds the priesthood, go for it!” What if I marry someone who doesn’t hold the priesthood, does it mean that I am a rebel or not obedient?  Does it mean that I will have a miserable life? I think sisters who married someone just because he is a worthy priesthood holder may also have a miserable life.

Is a worthy priesthood holder good enough? I don’t think so. Is the counsel from leaders are wrong? Not really. Then, what’s wrong? The misconception is, this type of counsel makes people blindly believe that marrying a worthy priesthood holder will bring you happily ever after. It is exactly the same message from the fairy tales. It’s not true and it has ruined so many people lives!


Love takes effort. I used to think that I only need to aim for someone who is “worthy” and work it out, but no, heck no! I think we do need better counselling on this matter and please stop making people feel that “worthy” is the one and only character that we should be desired of. Same apply to the brothers; please don’t falsely believe that a worthy sister must be a great one. A relationship involves communication, interaction, understanding……and the list can go on and on.  Take time to understand each other and learn and grow with each other. It’s better to find someone you truly love, from head to toe, rather than to be with someone who is just a worthy priesthood holder.

G.K.

Monday, November 11, 2013

Love Knows No Borders

















Woman at the well has always been one of my favorite stories of
Jesus Christ. The message of living water is great but what I love
the most is the implication of His majestic gesture. During a time
of seriously conflict between Jews and Samaritans, the Savior set
aside all racial and political notions teaching a woman (with even
less social capital) adapting to her needs with an analogy she
 would understand.

What an awakening example of racial equality hinting the
sociality of God’s kingdom. By all means, I can’t see in near future
there will be a Chinatown in celestial kingdom let alone
geographical racial segregation. But how are we doing now as
imperfect mortal beings striving to be part of that utopia?

Few months ago, a friend and I talked about what we could do to
empower the awesome Filipino sisters and increasing social
awareness while getting severely sunburnt. The seed has been
planted in my heart as for years I see segregation being the
so-called solution of conflict prevention. For instance, we meet on
the 4 & 5/F of the chapel and they meet on the 1,2,6,&7/F. For
holidays, they are driven out from their employer’s houses and
congregate at any open spaces in the city.

When these amazing sisters invited me to accompany their
musical numbers at district conference, I recognized the
opportunity. I love practicing and getting to know each one of
them every Saturday. Eden, the choir director and soloist,
exhausts every bit of her energy sharing her talent and helping
everyone to progress. They soon open up and accepted me to be
part of the group even people from my ethnicity have possibility
mistreated them. Hugs, smiling faces, and sincere care dissolve
the invisible barrier between us as our convictions unite as one in
music.

Sitting among them at district conference was a humbling
experience. When President Tai spoke of troubled hearts in trying
times (he was mainly consoling sisters whose families are affected
by the super typhoon in the Philippines), I had an epiphany on
equality. Whether they were crying because of their concerns for
their families or me tearing up because of the stormy situations I
was facing, we were all comforted by an inspiring message
addressing to our different needs regardless of our nationalities.
I love them and am truly grateful for their friendship and care.

FYI: We will be participating in the Combined Stake & District
Christmas Concert performing "Love Knows No Borders".



 

K.D

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Confession of a Rebel

I love my Chinese heritage and my experience living in Asia. When
I am asked of where I am from, normally puzzled faces will follow
because of in their eyes, I look or act nothing like a Chinese.
I am probably the craziest liberal, progressive, Chinese
Mormon girl they have ever met and trust me, we do exist.

As much as I love my identities including being a hard cord
introvert, there are times when I just have to get on my soapbox
and won’t yield. AGENCY means the whole world to me. It is the
fundamental difference between the Savior’s plan and Satan’s
plan. The more I study the gospel, the more I am willing to exercise
my agency by giving up cultural or gender norms that dictate my
thoughts and action (2 Nephi 2:27).

Here is what gets on my nerves. Agency does not merely mean
the ability to choose but acceptance or respect for others when
they choose differently. As we are led by commandments which
give us directions and instructions, ans surely God has also provided
us opportunities and room to progress to His standard. It is not
our place to judge and criticize each other’s pace let alone what
we choose. When I hear these judgmental comments in church, my
hand shoots straight up and I do my best to clear the air because
Sunday worship should be a place we learn doctrinal principles
instead of stoning each other.


Think of Peter, the apostle who was called on the spot by the Savior
for denying his association with the Son of Man. The Savior saw
Peter’s potential beyond his choices and Peter grew
tremendously from his experience. Vance Havner wrote, “It is
Peter, weeping bitterly, who returns to greater power than ever.”


In the presences of ridicule, disappointment, and disparagement,
I hold on to my faith and my love and association with those who
choose differently. If my understanding of agency makes me
unorthodox, not girly/demure enough, or rebellious, I take it as a
compliment by all means.

K.D.