Tuesday, December 24, 2013

The Heavenly Gift--- Agency

2013 Christmas, I am grateful for the heavenly gift, agency.

Sitting on a wall of the famous fortress, I looked at the old Macau,
a slum contrasting the apparent glamorous new casinos. I thought
of the meaning of life, justice, and blessings of the gospel. Over the
course of the weekend, different events and discussions led me
back to the subject of agency and God’s love. I wish to share my
thoughts with you as I conclude the adventurous 2013.

I never really quite grasp the concept of agency and God’s love 
until nearly half way through my mission. During my time in
Kingman, Arizona, I came to know a courageous woman who
valiantly faced her past and strived towards her reactivity in the
Church. It was not an ordinary process as revealing her past to
Priesthood leaders including her father as part of the repentance
process. There were moments when we attempted to quit. There
were afternoons when we shared with each other the darkest days
of our lives and rejoiced in the healing power of the atonement.
But I didn’t comprehend the concept of agency until I saw the face
of her father.

I was sitting next to her when she was finally able to partake of the
sacrament with her full membership status. We silently proceed as
a deacon passed us the tray. Gratitude filled my heart and I had
gained a strange sense of appreciation for difficult trials in my life
because that brought us together. When I looked up to the stand
where her father sat, he was smiling, very emotional, gazing at his
daughter. His countenance was full of love, happiness, and peace.

Four years later, that resemblance of a kind Heavenly Father still
vividly reminds me of the true meaning of agency and love. It takes
infinite love to allow someone you care and love deeply to choose
because that rises uncertainty and mistakes but that is the beauty
of the Savior’s plan. We learn and grow from our choices and
constantly exercise the atonement to correct our course. This is my
belief and the sacred right that I safeguard for myself and for those
I have stewardship over.  

In this special time celebrating the birth of our Savior, may we
extend our Savior’s unwavering love to our brothers and sisters
who have chosen differently.

Merry Christmas!

K.D. 



Thursday, December 19, 2013

Sexist Slurs Aren't Funny. Stop It!

Look!
What you say about women and how you treat us tells me more
about you than tells me more about myself. There have been far
too many people before you who try to convince me that I was
born secondary and meant to follow only because I am a
woman. Honestly, I think it is very disrespectful, absurd, and a
complete mockery to the priesthood power and authority that
you hold. But frankly, it doesn't bother me because
I know who I am.

What you say and do in fact insinuate how you treat the women
in your life. Your word and deed hurts them far more than it
hurts me because I can happily walk out of any doors and
possibly never see you again. So by all means you have every
right to say whatever you want but you are not putting me on
the line but only women whom you care about. So think wisely
on what you will say.

PS:

I woke up on a fine Saturday with this speech in my
mind. Perhaps I know that I can’t always punch every face that
utters these types of intruding comments and there will always
be many more. My life is not a wackamole and I honestly care
more about the good that I can do. 

K.D.

Monday, December 16, 2013

I haven’t seen you at Church today. Are you going to apostate?

Recently I had a chat with a friend and we talked about the meaning of being active in the Church. Our conclusion simply goes like this: if you miss going to Church for one or two Sunday, most people have the conclusion in their thought that you are probably going apostate or making some mistakes in life and being inactive.

Before I go on what I want to say, let me simply state that my friend and I both love the gospel and still consider ourselves active. The reason we reach to such a conclusion is that we are facing different situations and we are both hearing people implicitly/explicitly telling us that “sisters, you gotta be more active in the church!”

My friend’s job nature requires her to work on Sunday. Most of you will probably say “well, she should just find a job that doesn't need her to work on Sunday. She needs more faith.” Right, maybe you are right, but let us assume that she has done all her best in dealing with this situation and she still loves the gospel wholeheartedly. Because of her job nature, she goes to church occasionally. She told me that because of that, she has been contacted by her bishop, visiting teachers, and friends at church. Some contacted her because they truly care;, some contacted her because they are noisy and they just want know what’s happening in her life that causes her not showing up during the three hours Sunday services. She shared with me that sometimes church members’ concern are quite irritating, in a way that they just assume she is going astray. Also, she said that if these people are truly her friends, they would have not just only concern the reason she didn’t show up during the three hours of Sunday services, but instead, care about her life, her everyday life. It seems to her that, people only feel comfortable or right if they can see her during those three hours of Sunday services and neglect other aspects of someone’s life. By saying this, people think that if you show up on Sunday for three hours, you are totally worthy, despite the possible fact that that person is just a Sunday Mormon.

Now, let’s talk about my situation. I now serve in the Stake Young Women organization. With that calling, I occasionally have to go to visit other wards or attend their ward conferences. Believe it or not, I have people come up to me, with their worrying voice, asking me where I have been on those Sundays. I even have someone come up to me, jokingly saying “are you going inactive now?” Honestly, what’s the point of saying such thing? First, I am not obligated to report my schedule to anyone. Second, what you said to me will not help me if I am really going inactive.

What if someone who is having a hard time in their life, haven’t been to church for a while, and just want to come to church for be spiritual uplifted? , We go ask them that “why you haven’t been to church, is there any problem? Are you going inactive?”…etc. we need to be really careful and be kind when interacting with them. And PLEASE, don’t assume anyone who is not going to church during that 3-hour block is a sinner and that they are going to apostate. Those who are attending the 3-hour-block church services are not in a better position of those who do not. Let us be more kind to one another other and not to make assumptions on each other. Isn't it better to just ask “how are you?” instead?

G.K.

Friday, December 6, 2013

“You just remember who the enemy is”












After sobbing through the movie, Catching Fire, I
stumbled out the narrow isle of the theater with blurry
eyesight with Haymitch’s voice echoing in my mind. “You just
remember who the enemy is.”

I thought of a reoccurring theme I felt some Sunday when I was
trying very hard to learn and feel the spirit in church service.
One sister said that she felt she was more fortunate and
happier than others because she had the gospel in her life.
Another teacher taught people struggling with same-gender
attraction were nurtured that way and it should be corrected.
 
Ironically, those flashbacks were insinuated at the scene when
Plutarch Heavensbee pacifying President Snow. Snow was
concerned that all the tributes were raising their hands
unifying together at the interview but Plutarch quickly said
that they would all return to hunting each other in the arena
following the rules of the game as soon as the gong rang. Isn’t
it exactly what some of us are doing when our conversion
turns into a competition comparing timing, blessings, and
condemning each other’s imperfection?

My heart aches every time when similar statements are
camouflaged and preached as gospel truth. In the plan of
salvation, our enemy is not and will never be our fellow
brothers and sisters regardless of what faith and values they
have chosen to abide with. Our devotion and commitment of
discipleship does not put us anymore cherished nor favorable
in our Father’s eyes than any nonbelievers.   

Remember the vision of tree of life? Who were those that
were pointing their fingers, teasing and taunting others? How
did the believers response? They were focused and held on to
the iron rod then persistently pressing forward. After partaking
of the fruit, they invited others to join them rather than
terrorizing them for their current standing.

The Master Himself has reached out to the social outcast (tax
collector, woman committed adultery, individuals possessed by
spirit or suffered from physically challenged, etc……)
demonstrating unconditionally love and compassion. May we
all emulate the Savior’s example and increase our love and
ability to accept differences.


Just remember, who the real enemy is in this plan.    

K.D. 

Monday, December 2, 2013

Have you ever felt you are obligated to attend church activities?

I can’t remember since when I started to think that I am obligated to attend church activities and I also can’t remember when I started to realize this is a stinky idea.

I don’t understand why people have to feel “sorry” because they cannot attend certain activities. When does “attending church activities” become an obligation to church member, to a point that they have to feel sorry because they can’t attend?

I understand that church activities are meant to gather church members and provide a channel for non-members to get to know the church. But, does it necessary to plan every single details of an activity related to the gospel? I have heard of YSA dance with Joshua 1:9 as the theme and Halloween party with spirit world as the theme… I mean, these are good intention, but can’t a dance party just be a dance party? And a Halloween party just be a Halloween party? When I was in school in Hawaii, a church-organized (ward-organized) beach party is simply a beach party. A YSA dance is just simply a dance party. Can’t people just keep it simple? Don’t get me wrong, I strongly recommend you all to attend sacrament meetings, firesides and devotionals, where they focus on the Gospel and Christ. For leisure-type activities, please take it easy and have FUN.

I don’t understand why people always ask those who did not attend an activity this question, “I didn’t see you at that activity, what happened? Why didn’t you come?” Seriously? Do you really “care” that I didn’t attend that particular activity? I don’t think so. Some people ask this question with a good intention but others ask this question out of being noisy. Yes, they just want to know why you don’t support church activity. They assume that you are on the road to less-active, especially when you did not attend that spiritual dance party!

My friend told me that she tries her best to attend every single activity to show support and felt bad if she missed one. Please don’t let church activity stress you out. First, no one is obligated and second, no one should feel sorry for not going. Go to activities that really interested you. Don’t feel sorry that you miss one. Those activities organizers should not make people feel they “need” to attend. When I am willing, I enjoy. When I am not willing, I suffer. Take it easy. 

G.K.

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Does he love your brain?

Several weeks ago, I attended a YSA career devotional and one of
the speakers, Staci, spoke greatly about fulfilling our potentials as
women. Since she was Grace’s thesis adviser, I stayed after
wanting to get to know her. Within the first minute of our
conversation, she asked a line of profound questions.

“Are you dating now? Does he love your brain?”
I smiled.

For weeks I have slept on those questions. Dating can be very
mundane like business arbitration. We talk/show who we are
and what we have and negotiate a possible future while
compromising something (personality traits/dreams/habits).
Perhaps that’s one of the reasons why the “get to know you”
stage of dating sometimes feels like a CIA interrogation to
me and hopefully minus the waterboarding.

I smiled because that is exactly the reason why I choose not to be
married at this point of my life. While a stable relationship can be
quite satisfactory, the absence of intellectual or heart-to-heart
connection is frankly terrifying. Nothing is more pathetic and
lonely than two people sharing cozy affections while their minds
are more foreign than strangers.

Although we have all receive pressure from these “stop being so
picky” or “give everyone a chance” messages, we have every right
and responsibility to determine and choose our eternal happiness.
Haters will always hate and there will always be people
speculating the reasons of your singledom. But we don’t have to
yield. I undoubtedly know that through time and experiences I
have come to know what kind of relationship or marriage I want.

One day when I realize and know with surety that I’ve found him,
I will look him in the eye and sweetly whisper,
“You are worth the wait.”


K.D.


Saturday, November 23, 2013

Please don’t “just” marry a worthy priesthood holder.

I have been to many interviews with bishop and church leaders. Since I am still single in my late-20s, which is unacceptable to many in the Mormon community (Lol), I have received numerous counsels from the leaders saying, “Sister, I encourage you to find a worthy priesthood holder to date, or marry.” In my mind, I said “oh ya, you are right……”

You all probably think, “Are you crazy? Are you going to date/marry someone who doesn’t hold the priesthood?” Yes, I am crazy, but I am not going to let the “only-married-priesthood-holder” thought got me. I am sick of hearing people telling me that, “hey, he is a good priesthood holder, you two should go on dates / he holds the priesthood, go for it!” What if I marry someone who doesn’t hold the priesthood, does it mean that I am a rebel or not obedient?  Does it mean that I will have a miserable life? I think sisters who married someone just because he is a worthy priesthood holder may also have a miserable life.

Is a worthy priesthood holder good enough? I don’t think so. Is the counsel from leaders are wrong? Not really. Then, what’s wrong? The misconception is, this type of counsel makes people blindly believe that marrying a worthy priesthood holder will bring you happily ever after. It is exactly the same message from the fairy tales. It’s not true and it has ruined so many people lives!


Love takes effort. I used to think that I only need to aim for someone who is “worthy” and work it out, but no, heck no! I think we do need better counselling on this matter and please stop making people feel that “worthy” is the one and only character that we should be desired of. Same apply to the brothers; please don’t falsely believe that a worthy sister must be a great one. A relationship involves communication, interaction, understanding……and the list can go on and on.  Take time to understand each other and learn and grow with each other. It’s better to find someone you truly love, from head to toe, rather than to be with someone who is just a worthy priesthood holder.

G.K.

Monday, November 11, 2013

Love Knows No Borders

















Woman at the well has always been one of my favorite stories of
Jesus Christ. The message of living water is great but what I love
the most is the implication of His majestic gesture. During a time
of seriously conflict between Jews and Samaritans, the Savior set
aside all racial and political notions teaching a woman (with even
less social capital) adapting to her needs with an analogy she
 would understand.

What an awakening example of racial equality hinting the
sociality of God’s kingdom. By all means, I can’t see in near future
there will be a Chinatown in celestial kingdom let alone
geographical racial segregation. But how are we doing now as
imperfect mortal beings striving to be part of that utopia?

Few months ago, a friend and I talked about what we could do to
empower the awesome Filipino sisters and increasing social
awareness while getting severely sunburnt. The seed has been
planted in my heart as for years I see segregation being the
so-called solution of conflict prevention. For instance, we meet on
the 4 & 5/F of the chapel and they meet on the 1,2,6,&7/F. For
holidays, they are driven out from their employer’s houses and
congregate at any open spaces in the city.

When these amazing sisters invited me to accompany their
musical numbers at district conference, I recognized the
opportunity. I love practicing and getting to know each one of
them every Saturday. Eden, the choir director and soloist,
exhausts every bit of her energy sharing her talent and helping
everyone to progress. They soon open up and accepted me to be
part of the group even people from my ethnicity have possibility
mistreated them. Hugs, smiling faces, and sincere care dissolve
the invisible barrier between us as our convictions unite as one in
music.

Sitting among them at district conference was a humbling
experience. When President Tai spoke of troubled hearts in trying
times (he was mainly consoling sisters whose families are affected
by the super typhoon in the Philippines), I had an epiphany on
equality. Whether they were crying because of their concerns for
their families or me tearing up because of the stormy situations I
was facing, we were all comforted by an inspiring message
addressing to our different needs regardless of our nationalities.
I love them and am truly grateful for their friendship and care.

FYI: We will be participating in the Combined Stake & District
Christmas Concert performing "Love Knows No Borders".



 

K.D

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Confession of a Rebel

I love my Chinese heritage and my experience living in Asia. When
I am asked of where I am from, normally puzzled faces will follow
because of in their eyes, I look or act nothing like a Chinese.
I am probably the craziest liberal, progressive, Chinese
Mormon girl they have ever met and trust me, we do exist.

As much as I love my identities including being a hard cord
introvert, there are times when I just have to get on my soapbox
and won’t yield. AGENCY means the whole world to me. It is the
fundamental difference between the Savior’s plan and Satan’s
plan. The more I study the gospel, the more I am willing to exercise
my agency by giving up cultural or gender norms that dictate my
thoughts and action (2 Nephi 2:27).

Here is what gets on my nerves. Agency does not merely mean
the ability to choose but acceptance or respect for others when
they choose differently. As we are led by commandments which
give us directions and instructions, ans surely God has also provided
us opportunities and room to progress to His standard. It is not
our place to judge and criticize each other’s pace let alone what
we choose. When I hear these judgmental comments in church, my
hand shoots straight up and I do my best to clear the air because
Sunday worship should be a place we learn doctrinal principles
instead of stoning each other.


Think of Peter, the apostle who was called on the spot by the Savior
for denying his association with the Son of Man. The Savior saw
Peter’s potential beyond his choices and Peter grew
tremendously from his experience. Vance Havner wrote, “It is
Peter, weeping bitterly, who returns to greater power than ever.”


In the presences of ridicule, disappointment, and disparagement,
I hold on to my faith and my love and association with those who
choose differently. If my understanding of agency makes me
unorthodox, not girly/demure enough, or rebellious, I take it as a
compliment by all means.

K.D. 

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Peace be still

Two weeks ago I had the opportunity to give a talk at Stake Conference. My topic  was based on the scripture found in D&C 101:16, “…be still and know that I am God.” While I was doing research, I found a wonderful talk by Erin D. Maughan “Be Still and Know God” http://speeches.byu.edu/?act=viewitem&id=1849. This talk has helped me to understand the meaning of being “still” and “know” God. There is one part that I did not share during that night and I would like to share it here.

Remember the story of how Jesus calmed the storm? Jesus and His disciples entered into a ship. After a while a storm came and waves were beating, probably those people on the ship feels like they are on the pirate ship in an amusement park, going up and down. The disciples were afraid, so they went and awoke Jesus. What happened next was, the coolest thing I read in the bible, Jesus “arose and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, ‘Peace be still.’” (Mark 4:39). Of course, we can’t miss one of the most awakening questions, “Why are ye so fearful? How is it that ye have no faith?”

Our lives are full of storms, anytime, anywhere. These storms won’t call you and say, “hey, I am coming, be ready!” Most of the time we can’t ward off and sometimes these storms hit us right on our head. 

Let us remember three things that we can learn from this story. First, Jesus was with the disciples when the storm came. I am 1000% sure that He is with us when we are trying to overcome challenges, difficulties and struggles in our lives. We are not alone in our lives’ battles.

Second, the disciples went to the Master and asked for help, even though they were afraid to dead. Yes, we also need to ask for help. We tend to over-thinking and over-worrying on the problems in front of us. Sometimes we are panic in what’s happening in our lives. We need to be humble and go to the Lord and tell him that “the storm is here! Please help!” 

Third, and the most powerful part of this story, is when Jesus stretched forth His hand and calmed the storm. When he said “peace be still”, He did not just calmed the storm, He also calmed the souls of the disciples, and He also can calm your mind and soul.

Life is full of lemon, bitter melon, Chinese herbal tea and salty licorice. When tough times come, it’s okay to be fearful, and letting your faith to be shaken for a little bit. But remember, as the Lord said in D&C 101:16, “…let your hearts be comforted…for all flesh is in mine hands; be still and know that I am God.” Even though the Lord may ask us why we are fearful and have no faith, the Lord assures us that everything will be alright.

Peace be still. 

G.K.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

It is easy to make someone leave the Church

Okay, I am not trying to suggest a way for member of the church to kick out those who are interested in the gospel, but rather, I would like to discuss something that we have been always doing, but not realizing that the things that we do would probably influence a person to leave the church.

As Mormons, we are knee on sharing our belief to others, “to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places…” (Mosiah 18:9). Undeniably missionary work has a high priority in many LDS members’ lives as the prophets and apostles have constantly reminded us the importance of it. Many members share the gospel to friends, families, and neighbours enthusiastically with a hope that these people will join the church someday. However, we often neglect the feeling of the investigators and impose our ideologies onto them.

When I say “members often neglect the feeling of the investigators”, I am referring to the way we see these people, we see them as object. I sound a bit overgeneralizing, but from my observation, the way members treat investigators are quite systematic – systematic in a way that members have a set of formula on how to treat these people. The formula goes like this: investigators come to church à we befriend them with a purpose to help them to get baptized à the investigators have doubt (it’s okay and normal to have doubt, don’t you think?) à we use every fibre of our soul to counsel them and tell them that getting baptized is the only way out. The result is, either these people stop investigating the church (members are upset, the friend link is broken, and some might even think that these investigators are influenced by Satan) or getting baptized but later on leave the church because they feel they are being forced to do so. Does it sound familiar to you?

So, what about imposing our ideologies? Members often are very kind to introduce, not just the doctrine and the gospel, but also the Mormon culture to the newbies. Even though I am not a newbies anymore, but sometimes I still have this feeling that people are trying to tell me that “THIS IS THE WAY HOW YOU SHOULD LIVE AS A MORMON”, the worst is what these people say is not necessary related to the gospel and it’s just their way of life. Come on, the way you live as a Mormon is not the way how I want to be as a Mormon. Keeping commandments are not always easy for the new comer. So, please please please STOP telling investigators how they should live their lives and what choices they should make, rather, please nourish them with the word of God and let them make the choices and be responsible to themselves.


I am a convert to the Church and I am truly grateful for the missionaries who taught me and the fellow shippers who are genuine, kind, understanding and the most important, they let me be who I am. Those who are interested in the Church, and those new members, deserve the right to figure out for themselves the way they should be. They all, if desire, have the ability to find a personal way to communicate with God. Our roles, as members of the church, should be their sincere friends and show genuine supports no matter what their choices are. They deserve to be treated at PEOPLE, not OBJECT. 

G.K.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Trust in the Lord

This morning I had a very strong, distinct impression not to post
what I have already written but to share what I have been
learning in the past 6 months. It is extremely personal and I try
share it as discreetly as possible. I hope it will stimulate your
thinking and understand trust from an eternal perspective.

Four months ago, I had to make a very difficult decision
resolving a dilemma. I was super happy and excited feeling it
was a sheer bliss until the Lord’s will led me to a different turn.
So, I dropped it and went on with life but that didn’t feel right
either. After 4 months of tossing and turning at night, I once
again come up with a new solution and finally feel at peace.

Well, as difficult as the situation seems, my growth has been
tremendous and I begin to see the skills, attributes I’ve
developed over time. Sometimes I think of answers to prayers
like a light bulb, very “answerish”, but this is different. I cried
(many many times), thought through every possible solution,
and in the end chose to act upon my best judgment then
patiently waited for the confirmation.

It took a whole 4 months to regain my inner peace but
meanwhile some great friends’ care has become the an aid, a
perfect answer to my prayers. Heavenly Father keeps sending
friends whom I trust and can confide in to check on me. These
conversations have given me much comfort and inspired me to
take the leap of faith.

The exact direction I was hoping to receive never came.
The sacrifice I knew I had to make still needs to be made.
The unknown future remains uncertain.
But I’ve gained something far more valuable.

I’ve learned that courage means staying calm to work things out
when every bit of my fear tells me to jump ship.
I’ve learned that the use of agency requires me being
dependent and independent on the Lord.
I’ve learned that faith, hope, and charity are like a tripod and I
can’t just pick one to have.
I’ve learned that having faith and trust in the Lord doesn’t mean
knowing all the possible outcomes but following even if I can’t
see.

“It is not easy to go without—without physical gratifications or
spiritual assurances or material possessions—but sometimes we
must since there is no guarantee of convenience written into
our Christian covenant. We must work hard and do right, as
Abraham Lincoln said, and sometimes our chance will come.
And when we’ve tried, really tried, and waited for what seemed
never to be ours, then “the angels came and ministered unto
him.”” – Elder Jeffrey R. Holland



K.D.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Degenderizing Priesthood

Few weeks ago Danise’s article touched on feminism, Mormon women, priesthood and equality. I would also like to add on to her article and share my view, particularly on priesthood.

What is priesthood?
This is from the Church official explanation:
The priesthood is the eternal power and authority of God. Through the priesthood God created and governs the heavens and the earth. Through this power He redeems and exalts His children, bringing to pass "the immortality and eternal life of man" (Moses 1:39). God gives priesthood authority to worthy male members of the Church so they can act in His name for the salvation of His children. Priesthood holders can be authorized to preach the gospel, administer the ordinances of salvation, and govern the kingdom of God on the earth.
It is simple and direct.

So… why men holding priesthood is controversial?
The answer is simple and direct too: it is because MEN are holding the PRIESTHOOD. Both “men” and “women” are problematic words because they contain hidden stereotypical definitions. The society and our unconscious mind connect “men” to authority, power, domination, patriarch, and phallocrat. As for now, only men in the Church are ordained priesthood. In this way, we “genderize” priesthood by the social norm of gender specification and by looking at it in a worldly manner. It is not fair to apply this social norm to those faithful and righteous men who hold the priesthood. As feminists we also fight for gender equality for men. However, there are cases that priesthood men out there use priesthood in a manipulative way, in connection to their cultural and social background. This adds negative connotation to the word “priesthood”. Using priesthood in a manipulative way is abominable in the eyes of God (D&C 121).

Is it vital and important for women to be ordained the priesthood?
I personally think that working towards salvation and exaltation are far more important than worrying who gets what from God and who doesn't. Priesthood is the power from God enabling us to receive necessary ordinances in order to return to His presence. We should “degenderize” our way of thinking towards priesthood and focus on the importance of priesthood regarding to salvation and exaltation.


In my personal opinion, I don’t think priesthood is something that we need to fight for or petition for. There are things that is not revealed unto us at this particular time. However, an advice to the brethren: Please do not use the “I-am-a-priesthood-holder-because-I-am-a-man” attitude. Also, an advice to the sisters: Please stop whining “why women can’t hold the priesthood”! Let us all remember that “we have been made instrument in the hands of God to bring about this great work” (Alma 26:3), no matter who we are, male or female.

G.K.

Monday, October 7, 2013

Broken Hearts to Mend

Elder Holland’s Conference remark has powerfully addressed the myths of
mental illness particularly in depression. Thank you for those of you who
have shot me messages giving me heads up to watch Elder Holland’s talk!
Our discussions have sparked up so many inspiring ideas and I just
constantly walk around town with the silliest smile recapping them in my
mind.

In his talk, Elder Holland extended a metaphor from the Savior’s
experience in the Garden of Gethsemane. “If the bitter cup does not pass,
drink it.” It is a reality check countering the myth that applying the
atonement = pain free, now.

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you
rest a. “Many today interpret rest as the absence of trouble, heartache,
pain, and sadness in this life. This misguided belief has once taken a toll
on me with all the injustice, cruelty I saw in my own life and the world.

Carlfred Borderick, a psychologist and former stake president, wrote
about his daring move while presiding at a stake primary and young
women activity b. The Barbie and Ken looking leaders were teaching the
audience that they would become like them with the perfect looking
eternal happy family if they too kept the commandments. President
Borderick boldly taught the girls that he wouldn’t want them to believe it
for one minute. The atonement and the gospel were not meant to be
insurance against pain but resources to deal with it.  

Through his experience, he has learned that some of us have chosen to be
born or live in extremely difficult situations in order to accomplish the
work and grand purposes of God. In one of the example, it was a scenario
where a faithful sister could be destroyed by her love yet she faithfully
fulfilled the task she has chosen.

But what if we feel so broken because of the difficulties we’ve
encountered? What if we feel that we are “damage good” because of
missed opportunities, incapability? Even though we have or have been
chosen to go through these excruciating trials, how about the loss that
comes with such sacrifices? In his last conference talk, Elder Joseph B.
Wirthlin taught about the principle of compensation c. “The Lord
compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from
those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it
may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear
today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and
gratitude.”

At one point of my mission, I needed a blessing of comfort as I was
struggling to cope with a lost that I couldn’t comprehend in addition to
existing difficult circumstances. To his greatest effort, my awesome
Peruvian district leader, Elder Pacheco, offered the blessing in English
instead of his mother tongue, Spanish. Despite how difficult and tragic the
lost was, he ensured me that “Heavenly Father has prepared a way for me
to be happy.” So I held on to that promise trusting His way to be a better way. 

Four years later, what seemingly to be a tragic lost has now led to
wonderful blessings altering the course of my life. I would not trade what
I have now with what I have lost, not in a million years. In the moment of
insecurity, heartache and heartbreak, may we trust in healing power of
the atonement and with the utmost assurance believing that experience is
for our benefit in the Master’s plan.


Be still, and know that I am God. - Psalm 46:10


K.D.


A. Matt 11:28

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Can the Atonement Heal Mental Illness?

Let’s admit it. The stigma of mental illness is real.  Over the years, I
have watched some love ones, close friends, and clients struggling
and repeatedly asked, “If the heal power of the atonement is real,
why am I still sick?”  So, forgive me if I go all ballistic and have a
soapbox episode in church meetings, or here on the blog. It’s too
close to home and I want those who have been reaching out will
get appropriate help.

The question here isn’t challenging the power of priesthood
blessings in connection with miraculous healings. I believe that it
happens according to God’s will and individual’s faith (Bible
Dictionary, prayer)
. However, the underling concern here is as if
spiritual healing is the primary or even sole option for treating
mental illness.

The factors are so tangled and let’s connect them with a help
professional for the best solution.  Come on, will you tell a buddy
who has been barely diagnosed with cancer to just pray for spiritual
strength?
Absolutely no!! Then why say that to a person with
depression?
 

The trick about mental illness is that the cause can be
psychological / developmental then creating physiologically
changes. These changes enhance or magnify the psychological
symptoms turning to a vicious cycle.  We will be totally jumping the
gun if we direct anyone to any other resources (special diets,
meditation, religious healings, etc…). Even for us who have
received training to assess and intervene take hours or even
multiple sessions to figure out how and what to help.

The Church has actively taken precaution to psychoeducate its
multi-national members due to varies cultural conceptions on
mental illness. We now have a training packet for new missionaries,
resourceful booklets for leaders including mission presidents.
Additional resources can also be found on the Church website
as you search for “mental illness.”



















For those who bravely face it day by day or have overcome it, I
salute you! Your true understanding of the atonement stands as a
monument of faith and we are grateful for your valiant example .

Next week, we’ll dedicate the post to you who have experienced
traumatic events, excruciating trails including mental illness, and
injustice circumstances discussing on how the healing of the atonement takes
place. If you have come across any great quotes, stories during
General Conference, you are more than welcome to share it with us.

PS: Check out this article by Elder Alexander B. Morrison, of the
Seventy, and see how well you know about mental illness.

K.D.


Sunday, September 29, 2013

Romantic Love & Gender Equality


Let’s face the elephant in the room head on.

We don’t speak of gender equality enough isn’t because we are apathetic
but our concern for the price that comes with the discussion.  With so
many misconceptions and extreme groups’ misrepresentations, feminism
is like the F word in many Mormon communities.  

Question 1: Is gender equality opposing traditional family values?

NO, exactly the opposite! Feminism isn’t denying everything feministic or

girly but promoting true respect for both men and women. It emphasizes
on the flexibility (just like The Family Proclamation) and equality.
Harrison & Richards (1996-97) published a study titled “Feminism in the
Light of the Gospel” via BYU Studies explaining the basic branch of
feminism (gender equality) was doctrinally correct. a

Question 2:  Do I pay a social penalty for believing and embracing gender
quality?

Um.. yes! Think of it in a positive way. Eternal marriage means loving and
working alongside with an imperfect person whom I love and trust
wholeheartedly. I hands down want to be with someone who loves me for
who I am and vice versa. Everyone deserves the right to choose, even for
those who don’t share the same view. But remember too, there are
differences between boldness and boastfulness. Boastfulness isn’t that
likable at all
.

Question 3: Are there single guys out there that believe in similar

ideologies?

Absolutely yes!!!
It gives me courage to hope for and seek out
opportunities knowing how enchanting, happy, satisfying, exciting, and
fulfilling this type of relationship can be. Throw away the check list and do
not settle for anything less. People who believe in gender equality come 
in different sizes and shapes (culture, ethnicity, age, educational or career
background); and you can never really tell until you have spent time
having
in depth conversations and interaction with them. Open up to
opportunities and keep trying!
Word of advice, you have to live it yourself
for
others to recognize you.

Being a trailblazer is never easy and we are meant to work through
challenging circumstances being the change ourselves. My awesome
institute teacher, Sister Watkins, once shared a counsel she has given to
her daughter. She said, “Make sure you only choose a guy that will swim
through shark infested water to get to you because you’re so worth it.”
The shark infested waters here represents difficulties, obstacles,
weakness, or in a sense the paradigm shift that we are striving to see. If
we are in shark infested ourselves, it will certainly make sense to choose
a fellow swimmer.

Happy swimming everyone!! 


K.D.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

In response to the General Conference protest: What does equality mean?

Let's set the record straight. I am an average 60% postmodernist as a help
professional, a Chinese woman, and a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-day Saints a.k.a Mormon. Notice I say average because there are times
when I do lean closer to modernism / postmodernism. One thing that has grounded
me to stay in the middle ground is my testimony of the absolute truth, the restored
gospel, and I know with all my heart that God does exist.

Being a progressive Chinese Mormon woman, I think and do things in a pretty
unorthodox or creative way and one of them is studying gender studies/ feminism.
Feminism is no stranger to me as it falls under the postmodern camp. I hate the
fact that is needed at the first place and the term itself is so stinking misleading.
The whole point of feminism began by recognizing women were unequal comparing
to men thus came forth a movement promoting equality and raising the social
status of women. It is not about women ruling the world or whatsoever.

The key here is being equal doesn’t mean identical. It is in God’s design that
there are 2 genders, male and female. Just like being a parent, you will never treat
your children identically forever but that doesn’t mean that you don’t love them
equally. That pretty much covers the controversial discussion on women seeking
for priesthood ordination.

As a daughter of God, I am empowered by my identity and my potentials being
created after the image of my Father. That includes potentials for intellectual
development, leadership capacity, and opportunity to fulfill them even at this point
without holding the priesthood. I don’t need to seek after what men have to feel
that power and authenticity. Being female is not a secondary gender and it’s time
for a wakeup call for all members of the Church. If there is anything in our culture,
traditions that are not in harmony of with gospel principles, it’s time to change.

That pretty much sums up what I have been asked a lot lately. No, I won’t be
joining the priesthood session broadcast (but I always do watch it online and learn
from it) and I won’t be wearing pants to Church. That doesn’t change the fact I
deserve and still seek equal respect as a female member.

P.s. 5 reasons why I am so into gender studies particularly in the Chinese
Mormon cultural setting

1: My leadership experience and quality depends upon my gender
(Still get played the priesthood card a lot………)
2. When I talk about my desire for a higher education, I am asked
when I will decide to be a mother (even when I’m single.).
3. Girls (LDS) of my age think it’s abominable to be more educated
than their husbands.
4. Someone trying to teach my young women to only date or marry
RM.
5. People comment on the law of chastity as a countermeasure of
sexual assault.

K.D.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

You’re so awesome but how come you are still single?


Touché… Haha

Reading the “26, unmarried, and childless” article on
facebook gave me a good laugh. I’m sure you too
have been ambushed with this question before.
Well, probably under some unfortunate
circumstances when you are forced to keep your cool
and smile through the whole awkward conversation.
For some of us on the same boat a little longer, we
have articulated a bunch of diplomatic responses
explaining why that is.

But we don’t have to.

Eternal marriage is more sacred than a merit-based
game. We don’t simply get to save up points by
serving a mission, fulfilling callings in the Church, go
to BYU or do some charity work then achieve to a
certain level when it will magically happen. It is a
combination of doctrinal understanding of
relationship/family/ parenthood, agency of both
parties, and God’s timing. When it hasn’t happened,
it just hasn’t happened yet.

The past 5 months has been a whirl-wind venture
I’ve gone from “Ha, I know what my plans and goals
are” to spinning my head in unexpected
circumstances. It’s been rough but things begin to
make sense now. Looking back I wouldn’t trade the
opportunity to be back in Hong Kong for 3 years
(for now) meeting and loving some amazing
people. Simply as being an answer to someone’s
prayer just this week has anchored me back down
knowing I am at the right place, doing the right thing,
and pressing forward.

Whenever my faith gets a little low and
the fear of uncertainty lurking in the shadow,
I often turn to Elder Scott’s quote for solace.
“When those trials are not consequences of
your disobedience, they are evidence that
the Lord feels you are prepared to grow
more. He therefore gives you experiences that
stimulate growth, understanding, and compassion
which polish you for your everlasting benefit. To get
you from where you are to where He wants you to be
requires a lot of stretching, and that generally entails
discomfort and pain." -- Elder Richard G. Scott

So, I throw away all my yadi-yadi-ya excuses and
brace myself into the exciting reality that
I am 26,
single,
and figuring my life out.

K.D.